well, this valentines' not only did my heart swell - but apparently so did my spleen and liver - i'm not particularly concerned considering my high Epstein Barr and Cytomegalovirus titers - this is not an uncommon result. if they don't improve in a few weeks - i'll get an ultra-sound.
but the best gift on Valentine's was for almost 12 hours all my symptoms magically disappeared. It was a piece of heaven - and then yesterday it all came crashing down - and most of today - but by three o'clock i had enough energy to walk up to the hotel and grab a coffee and sit on the adirondack chair with sophie by my side and i just pretended i was like all the other vacationers - and for about an hour i felt like it. the joy of the everyday. i people watched, sipped a coffee with no reactions - and even took a few touristy pictures -
i've had a bit of a mental block trying to write - but when i am drifting off to sleep or in the shower, i am constantly thinking of the idea of the perfect sentence. it doesn't come often or easily - and some of us can maybe hope for one in a great while...
when i was in france with my grandma and mom we went to the "musee de l'orangerie" in paris. we had just returned from Lourdes so my grandmother could get the healing water - and let me tell you that place is a bit scary - even my grandma couldn't wait to leave...and i don't doubt at one point it was a very healing place, but now its an over-run town that will sell you anything with the virgin mary slapped to it - but when we walked into the lower level of that museum in paris where in a circular room you are surrounded by these massive Monet's it takes your breathe away - and i said to my grandma - this is a miracle and my die hard catholic grandmother understood.
there is some beauty that transcends your senses - it takes you to a different place as you try to wrap your rational brain around it - the perfect sentence has the same transcendent feeling - the books that stand the test of time are those that string perfect sentences together again and again and again - the idea that all these words are available to us, yet someone put them together in a way no one had thought to before is magic.
i have always loved words - i loved in kindergarten our letter books - i still remember the glittered "A" Apple book, the feel of the number two pencil gliding across the shiny pages - and then later learning how to "diagram" sentences - noun - verb - adverb...i loved being in the elm grove library summer reading program...i knew i was sick when i no longer could read novels - the effort it took to read a book would take me days to recover - and i had to be careful to take breaks - rather than spend an afternoon immersed in the other world.
the arts always hold us hostage to beauty and when you are not well you have to remind yourself that its there around you for your taking. and the arts are different for everyone, ellen recently had a man who after a skiing accident is paraplegic - yet he has found a way to still ski and complete an arial jump - he described movement as his form of art and expression - and the joy it brings him. joy - when you are fighting through a chronic illness its hard some days to find the beauty around you - but you can't lose sight that it is there. the place i am living we have been gifted with some of the most gorgeous sunsets - as i jokingly said - "people would pay big bucks to see this..." on the worst of the days the world seems black - and its hard to believe in the power of a Monet, the perfect lyrics meeting the perfect melody, a two doves that sit side by side on the iron fence outside my bedroom window every morning - or the perfect sentence - but they are there - and in our darkest hours they save us - some days you have to fight harder to find them.
i know i have been privileged to be exposed to the arts - and i don't know what it is like to live in a world where i have been deprived of that knowledge and experience - my hope is all those out there fighting to bring the freedom of the arts to those less fortunate are continued to be supported. thanks mom and dad for giving me that gift of exposure and travel - and i will fight to the end to get back to that museum in paris and find that piece of perfection on earth.
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okay - i am so expletive proud of myself for figuring out how to get these photos from my phone- to my computer - to this blog i don't care they are not in the correct spot - okay Apple - you are growing on me! fyi i know sophie looks miserable but it because poor thing when i bent down to take off her leash my Fiji water fell out of my sweatshirt and nearly hit her - so she was still recovering!!
*water color sunrise - credit to willy porter song*
also a shout out to my dear friend who we use to walk along lake michigan many moons ago - thank you.
