week one in the books

So today was an IV treatment of Phosphatidylcholine which helps the body detoxify.   Luckily it wasn't longer than 40 minutes - I'm a slow drip - oh you sensitive veins - but on the way home i could feel it all crashing in - the meltdown that i have been lucky to avoid - my dad stopped at the store and i felt bad b/c i could tell i was so short tempered - its trying to gain control when everything begins slipping away - focus breathe focus breathe.  The trip home felt like an eternity and when i got back all i could do is narrowly focus on eat and bed eat and bed.  My friend Jami was here b/c her car was getting some work done not to far from here so she had the transport company bring her here.  I walked in the door - Sophie jumping for attention and like a zombie got upstairs into bed and ate the food i had brought with me to my appointment.  I warned Jami - i'm on the edge  - just FYI so please just ignore me and my attitude.

They fed Sophie - tried to take her out but she moved even closer to my back if that was even possible -  as if to say not on my watch am I leaving - so after an hour or so I lying completely still in bed with my headsets on the cliff didn't feel as steep.  Jami made some pasta with meat sauce for me and asparagus and I again ate it robotically and then got back into bed.  I feel a bit more human now - but getting well is sure a lot of work -

Will lay low for a bit - i really wanted to get out into the real world tonight - just a quick trip up the block to the outdoor mall - just wander among people - and forget about all of this.  Days like today after being so positive i sure do miss my old self - okay - pity party over - it always could be worse - i know i am getting better -and getting stronger - baby steps baby steps -well its a almost 9pm and i have begun to feel like a somewhat normal person - that is the good news things can always change - just always hoping for the better.

Why its all worth it - Thanks Kate xoxo