should be...

So I should be at a the dentist right now.  I was at the dentist, I white knuckled it there and sat in the parking lot gearing myself up for the not that traumatic cleaning.  Then I told myself I was being absolutely ridiculous being nervous to go to the dentist, took a deep breathe, strode confidently to the front steps, opened the door - saw no one at the front desk and before the door could close behind me I was out of there.  If I wasn't so irritated at myself I probably would be laughing - okay, so I am laughing a bit at my CIA like operative mission - I don't know what came over me - that weird smell - the 70's looking furniture - or being over stressed from everything else - but today I just couldn't do it.

This isn't a new dentist, and despite every time I enter I want to leave, I have never before pulled the quick exit like today.  I didn't make up some phony excuse, when I called, however I did high tail it out of the parking lot in case the hygienist had any idea of coming outside to cajole me inside.  It is all so ridiculous, I am 39 years old - and have spent the last three months getting my blood removed and re-entering my body - yet the thought of mouth wide open, the utter loss of control today for some reason just was too much to handle.

This past weekend I have been dealing with the concern that my house is giving me a headache.  I have already had a mold guy out here, before we left and he found a tiny bit of mold in our OCD pristine basement, I have had the vents cleaned, and now I called the mold guy again because I feel like something in this house is making me worse.  The thing is I love my house,  my dad and uncle had it completely gutted and its right behind my sister's house - but there has always been a smell - that only i can smell or others if the house is closed up for extended periods of time that bothers me.  So, its been an uncomfortable feeling, I have had all the windows open and turned the heat off - just in case...

Yesterday, I felt like I was losing my mind - overwhelmed by the possibility that something that may not bother anyone else I am hypersensitive to - and all you want to do is feel comfortable in your own home, and right now I do not.  I am guessing its more about getting use to a humid climate again coming from the desert - and am crossing my fingers that the headaches I am getting - a symptom that I never have is just an odd coincidence - but we will see.  Mr Air Quality guy Pat is coming on Wednesday.  And Thursady - take two at the dentist.